Quick Answer
Use who when the person is doing the action, and use whom when the person is receiving the action or follows a preposition in formal English. In everyday conversation, who is often used instead of whom, especially in questions.
Who and whom are two of the most confusing words in English grammar. They both refer to people, and they can appear in very similar sentences. That is why even experienced writers sometimes stop and wonder which one sounds right.
The basic rule is simple once you look at the job each word performs. Who is normally used for the person doing an action. Whom is traditionally used for the person receiving the action or following a preposition.
For example, you can ask, “Who called you?” because the unknown person performed the action. You can also ask, “Whom did you call?” because the unknown person received the action.
There is one more important point. Modern everyday English often uses who in places where traditional grammar would prefer whom. So knowing the formal rule is useful, but understanding natural usage matters too.
What Does Who Mean?
Who is a pronoun used when asking about or referring to a person.
In traditional grammar, who is the subject form. That means the person represented by who performs the action of the verb.
Examples:
- Who called me?
- Who opened the door?
- Who sent this message?
- Who wants some coffee?
- Who knows the answer?
Look at this sentence:
Who opened the window?
The unknown person performed the action of opening. Therefore, who is correct.
A simple way to think about it is:
Who = the person doing the action
What Does Whom Mean?
Whom is the traditional object form of who.
It is used when the person is receiving an action or when the person is the object of a preposition.
Examples:
- Whom did you invite?
- Whom did she call?
- To whom should I send the email?
- With whom are you traveling?
- Whom did they choose?
Consider this sentence:
Whom did you invite?
You are asking about the person who received the action of invite. You invited that person, so whom is the traditional grammatical choice.
A simple way to remember it is:
Whom = the person receiving the action
Who or Whom: What Is the Difference?
The main difference is the grammatical role of the word.
| Word | Traditional Role | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Who | Subject | Who called you? |
| Whom | Object | Whom did you call? |
Compare these two sentences:
Who called Sarah?
The unknown person did the calling.
Whom did Sarah call?
Sarah did the calling, and the unknown person received the action.
This small change in the sentence changes the correct traditional pronoun.
Who as the Subject
Use who when the person performs the action.
Examples:
- Who ate the last cookie?
- Who broke the glass?
- Who sent the package?
- Who made this cake?
- Who answered the phone?
- Who wants to join us?
You can test the sentence by replacing who with he, she, or they.
For example:
Who called?
Try:
She called.
That sounds correct.
So:
Who called?
is correct.
This test is helpful when the sentence becomes more complicated.
Whom as the Object
Use whom when the person receives the action.
Examples:
- Whom did you meet?
- Whom did she invite?
- Whom did they hire?
- Whom are you helping?
- Whom did he contact?
Try replacing the word with him, her, or them.
For example:
Whom did you invite?
Try:
I invited her.
That works.
But:
I invited she.
does not work.
Therefore, whom fits the traditional grammar.
The Easy He or Him Test
One of the easiest ways to remember who or whom is the he or him test.
Use who when he, she, or they would fit.
Use whom when him, her, or them would fit.
For example:
Who is coming to dinner?
Answer:
He is coming.
So who is correct.
Now consider:
Whom did you invite?
Answer:
I invited him.
So whom is the traditional choice.
The pattern is:
Whom → him or her or them
This is one of the quickest ways to solve many who or whom questions.
Who in Questions
Who is very common in questions.
Examples:
- Who are you?
- Who called?
- Who lives here?
- Who wants pizza?
- Who did you meet?
- Who are you talking to?
Notice something important in the last two examples.
Traditional grammar may prefer whom in:
Whom did you meet?
and:
Whom are you talking to?
However, who is extremely common in ordinary speech and informal writing.
That means you may hear:
Who did you meet?
much more often than:
Whom did you meet?
Both are understandable, but they have different levels of formality.
Whom in Formal Questions
Whom is most useful when you want a formal or traditional style.
Examples:
- Whom did you contact?
- Whom should I notify?
- To whom should I address the letter?
- With whom did you speak?
- For whom is this package intended?
The word can make a sentence sound more formal.
For example:
Who should I contact?
sounds natural and conversational.
Whom should I contact?
sounds more formal.
Neither sentence creates a different meaning.
Who After a Preposition
In everyday English, people often place the preposition at the end of a question.
For example:
Who did you speak to?
This sounds completely natural in ordinary conversation.
Traditional formal grammar can instead use whom after the preposition:
To whom did you speak?
The second sentence sounds more formal.
Other examples include:
Who are you going with?
Formal:
With whom are you going?
Another example:
Who did you send the letter to?
Formal:
To whom did you send the letter?
This is one reason whom can feel more formal than who.
Who in Relative Clauses
Who can also connect information about a person to the rest of a sentence.
For example:
The woman who lives next door is a doctor.
The person represented by who is performing the action of living.
Another example:
I met a teacher who helped me.
The teacher performed the action of helping.
More examples:
- The man who called yesterday left a message.
- She is the person who organized the event.
- I know someone who works at that company.
- The student who won the award is my cousin.
In each case, who refers to the person doing the action.
Whom in Relative Clauses
Whom can also appear in relative clauses when the person is the object.
For example:
The woman whom I met was very friendly.
Here, I performed the action of meeting. The woman received that action.
Another example:
The manager whom we hired has years of experience.
We hired the manager, so the manager is the object of hired.
More examples:
- The person whom I contacted replied quickly.
- The doctor whom she visited was helpful.
- The employee whom they promoted worked hard.
- The friend whom I invited could not come.
In formal writing, whom can be useful in these situations.
Who or Whom in Everyday English
This is where things get interesting.
Traditional grammar gives a clear difference between who and whom. However, everyday English does not always follow that distinction strictly.
People commonly say:
Who did you call?
instead of:
Whom did you call?
They also commonly say:
Who are you talking to?
instead of:
Whom are you talking to?
These forms are natural in ordinary conversation.
So, you should not assume that every use of who as an object sounds wrong. Modern English often favors who because it feels more natural.
Who or Whom in Formal Writing
Formal writing gives you more reason to use whom.
For example:
To whom it may concern
is a well-known formal expression.
You may also write:
The candidate whom we selected has accepted the position.
Or:
The professor with whom I worked published a new study.
These sentences have a formal tone.
However, you do not need to force whom into every sentence just to sound intelligent. If it makes the sentence awkward, rewriting the sentence can often make it clearer.
Who or Whom in Emails
Your choice can depend on the tone of the email.
A casual email might say:
Who should I contact about this?
A formal email might say:
Whom should I contact regarding this matter?
Or even:
Who would be the best person to contact regarding this matter?
The third version avoids the who or whom problem completely.
This is a useful writing technique. When a grammar choice feels awkward, you can sometimes restructure the sentence instead of forcing one word into it.
Who or Whom in Academic Writing
In academic writing, traditional grammar can be more important.
For example:
The researcher interviewed participants whom the study had selected.
Here, whom functions as the object of selected.
Another example:
The students who participated in the study completed a survey.
Here, who is the subject of participated.
The distinction can make formal writing more precise.
Still, clarity should always come first. A sentence should not become unnecessarily complicated just because you want to use whom.
Who or Whom in Business Writing
Business writing often uses both words.
For example:
Who is responsible for this project?
This uses who because the person is the subject.
Another example:
Please tell me whom I should contact.
Here, whom is the formal object of contact.
You may also write:
Please tell me who I should contact.
This version is common and natural.
The best choice depends on the level of formality you want.
Who or Whom With Prepositions
A preposition can make the choice easier.
Common examples include:
- to whom
- for whom
- with whom
- from whom
- by whom
- about whom
Examples:
To whom did you send the letter?
With whom are you working?
From whom did you receive the message?
For whom did you buy the gift?
These constructions are formal.
In everyday English, people often move the preposition to the end and use who:
Who did you send the letter to?
Who are you working with?
Who did you receive the message from?
Both styles are widely understood.
Common Mistakes With Who and Whom
One common mistake is choosing whom simply because the sentence sounds formal.
For example:
Whom is coming to the party?
This is incorrect in traditional grammar.
The correct form is:
Who is coming to the party?
Why?
Because the person represented by who is the subject of is coming.
Another common mistake is using who after a preposition in highly formal writing when whom would be expected.
For example:
To who should I send the letter?
A traditional formal version is:
To whom should I send the letter?
However, in ordinary conversation, people commonly avoid this structure by saying:
Who should I send the letter to?
Who or Whom: Tricky Examples
Some sentences are harder because the pronoun is separated from the word that determines its grammatical role.
Consider:
Who do you think won the race?
The answer might be:
She won the race.
So who is correct.
Now consider:
Whom do you think they invited?
The answer might be:
They invited her.
So whom is the traditional choice.
The trick is to look at the role of the pronoun inside its own clause rather than simply looking at the word immediately next to it.
Who vs Whom With They and Them
The same test works with plural pronouns.
Use who if they works.
Example:
Who arrived first?
Answer:
They arrived first.
So who is correct.
Use whom if them works.
Example:
Whom did you invite?
Answer:
I invited them.
So whom is the traditional choice.
This makes the rule easier to apply to both singular and plural situations.
Who or Whom: A Simple Shortcut
When you are unsure, do this:
First, turn the question into a simple statement.
Example:
Who did you call?
Turn it around:
You called ___.
Now ask yourself:
You called him.
Because him works, the traditional answer is whom.
Now try:
Who called you?
Turn it around:
___ called you.
You would say:
She called you.
Because she works, the answer is who.
This shortcut can solve many confusing examples.
Practice Questions
Choose who or whom according to traditional grammar.
1. ___ called you last night?
Answer: Who
The person performed the action of calling.
2. ___ did you invite to dinner?
Answer: Whom
The person received the action of inviting.
3. ___ wrote this letter?
Answer: Who
The person performed the action of writing.
4. ___ did she hire?
Answer: Whom
She performed the action of hiring.
5. ___ is waiting outside?
Answer: Who
The person is the subject of the sentence.
6. To ___ should I send this form?
Answer: Whom
The pronoun follows the preposition to.
7. ___ did they choose for the position?
Answer: Whom
They chose the person, so the person is the object.
8. ___ wants to join us?
Answer: Who
The person is doing the action expressed by wants.
Who or Whom: Quick Comparison
| Situation | Better Choice | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Person doing the action | Who | Who called? |
| Person receiving the action | Whom | Whom did you call? |
| After a preposition in formal writing | Whom | To whom did you speak? |
| Casual question | Who is often natural | Who did you speak to? |
| Relative clause as subject | Who | The person who called |
| Relative clause as object | Whom in formal style | The person whom I called |
This table gives you the main pattern without making the grammar complicated.
How to Remember Who or Whom
The easiest memory trick is:
Who =
Whom = him or her
For example:
Who called?
Think:
She called.
So use who.
Now:
Whom did you call?
Think:
I called her.
So use whom.
You can also remember:
Who does.
Whom receives.
This is not a perfect shortcut for every complex sentence, but it works for many common examples.
Final Tips
Keep these rules in mind:
- Who is traditionally the subject form.
- Whom is traditionally the object form.
- Use who for the person doing the action.
- Use whom for the person receiving the action.
- Use whom after a preposition in formal constructions.
- Who is very common in everyday questions, even when traditional grammar would use whom.
- Try replacing who with he, she, or they.
- Try replacing whom with him, her, or them.
- Do not use whom just to make every sentence sound formal.
- When in doubt, rewrite the sentence for clarity.
FAQs
What is the main difference between who and whom?
Who is traditionally used as the subject of a verb, while whom is traditionally used as the object of a verb or preposition.
Is it who did you call or whom did you call?
In traditional grammar, whom did you call? is the formal choice because the person is the object of call. However, who did you call? is extremely common and natural in everyday English.
Is it who should I contact or whom should I contact?
Both forms are used. Whom should I contact? follows the traditional formal rule, while Who should I contact? is more natural in everyday English.
Should I always use whom after a preposition?
In formal writing, whom is traditionally used after a preposition, as in to whom, with whom, and for whom. In everyday English, people often move the preposition to the end and use who, as in Who did you speak to?
What is the easiest way to remember who and whom?
Use the he or him test. If he, she, or they fits, use who. If him, her, or them fits, use whom. For example, “Who called?” becomes “She called,” while “Whom did you call?” becomes “I called her.”
Conclusion
Who and whom both refer to people, but their traditional grammatical roles are different. Who is the subject form, so it normally refers to the person doing the action. Whom is the object form, so it normally refers to the person receiving the action or following a preposition.
The easiest way to remember the difference is to use the pronoun test. If you can replace the word with he, she, or they, choose who. If him, her, or them works, choose whom.
There is also an important point about modern usage. Who is widely used in everyday English where traditional grammar would expect whom. So you do not need to force whom into every conversation. Use it when you want a formal style or when the traditional object form fits naturally.
